Pastor Dom preached about pressing in and holding on to God's promises inspite of his silence, discouraging words and rejection. Opened a new book 'When God waits' and there on the second page was this verse again - 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life'.

It sure doesn't seem like a hard thing starting a family for the billions world-wide. Moreover, I'm not fugly, am easy-to-get along and can even be humorous on a good day. So why am excluded from this 'rite-of-passage' of life and left feeling incomplete?

I've heard many great testimonies and had my fair share of 'don't worry, you will find someone one day'. However, with age catching up and my 'godly man' nowhere in sight, I can't help but ask God ... will I ever have the chance to hold my newborn close, plant a kiss on his forehead as my husband gently put his arms around us?

Have not found any lunch buddy since I started work three weeks ago. This is a first. Anyways, since I don't like the idea of lunching alone, I have been spending the one hour doing time alone with God (TWAG). The first few times, I indulged in 'oh so poor thing, no one to lunch with' thoughts but now, I'm looking forward to that one hour and thankful that I have such a nice, comfy corner at work to do TWAG. I'm sure I'll get a lunch buddy eventually, but till then...it feels as if God is determined to spend time with me, to build me up before releasing me into this new season of trials. (Ephesians 6:14- Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist ...)

As Good Friday approaches, I can't help feeling thankful. That a young man (Jesus), at his prime, will give up his life for me ... a scapegoat for my sins. He loved me unconditionally even before I know him .... how beautiful is that? (1 John 4:19 - We love because he first loved us.)

I've been worried since I took on my new job due to the high expectations and various other issues. The repeat message I kept getting from various sources was - Look back at your life, have God ever failed you? (Matthew 14:31- Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?")

Never. God might have put me through trials but he never ever left me though it sure feels that way when I was at rock bottom. However, it's always at that point when I'm force to look to Him and say ... I surrender, your will be done. Yes, my God is a loving God but it's also because of that that he permits trials for me to grow or return to the path I've strayed away from. (Rev 3:19- Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline)

When I took up my previous job, I was feeling inadequate and I questioned God why. Why do I have to humble myself and beg people for guidance? Why do I have to stand in front of close to hundred participants to present a topic I'm not familiar with? I cried initially wondering if I could but God remained faithful and sent his angels, unexpected help, every single time. Through this experience, I learnt to be teachable and also have no qualms speaking in front of crowds.

The struggles finally made sense during my missions trip to India last year. During the first two days, my teammates were respectively called to share their testimonies in front of various groups. 'Pick me Pastor Kenny ...pick me!!', I'll hope every time but it never happen. I wanted to confront him and demand to share but God told me to wait. Finally, I was assigned to share at a village rally. At that moment, standing on a make-shift stage in front of close to two hundred people, the pieces fell into place and the struggles I've went through in my job made sense, this is what God was preparing me for. I felt like a piece of gem that have been polished by the trials and now I'm ready, ready to shine for God's glory. Another lesson I walked away was not to 'limit' God, I will be contented to share in front of a small group but he had hundreds in mind. (Isaiah 55:9 -As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.)

With that in mind, though I'm struggling in my job now, I know God will eventually use whatever skills I've acquired. Who knows, it might be organising the largest church prayer conference in Singapore or to be a missionary in China. No matter what, I just have to bear in mind that I'm serving the Lord and not man. (Colossians 3:23-Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men)

So, remember not to 'box' God up. Obey and let Him use you for his full glory. Afterall, we've been redeemed by His blood. So, next time you stretch out your hands to worship Him, make it your way of telling Him ... I surrender all ...

'Jesus wept' - this is the shortest verse in the bible - John 11:35

He went through so much, 40 days temptation/ harsh words/ demanding & doubting followers, without shedding a tear but when he saw his loved ones cry, he wept ...

It was a good day, I was happy I could bring my nephew to DL again and he had fun. It was a good day till my mom picked us up from church and on our way to lunch, our car ran over the foot of a pedestrian.

We were on a narrow street and there was a family of four (father, mom, sons) walking along the roadsides ... both sides could have argued their case and heated words could have been exchanged. So, I braced myself and stepped out of the car. He was visibly angry at first but instead of spewing vulgarities, he regained his composure and calmly said,' It's ok, let me sit down for a second first.' When we offered to send him to the clinic, he declined and said he will just iced it at church first. His wife was more concerned about his foot rather than accusing us of causing the injury and the teenagers were simply 'nonchalant'.

'Does this happen to him often?' I wondered. How can he be so calm, cool and collected when a car just ran over his foot?! We drove him to his church and passed him our contacts.

My mom was shaken and my dad was angry when we told him about it at home. Sitting between the two of them, in the midst of their argument, I was upset as this wouldn't have happened if I haven't brought my nephew to church, if I haven't sign up for Tenet class in the afternoon. A millions of 'if I haven't' raced across my mind. Why now? Why now when my shoulders are already burdened and I was doing something 'good' and definitely his will..so why?

After wallowing in self-pity, I took a step back and asked myself, where is this Mel who was worshipping God in church an hour earlier, who was moved by Psalm 121, who wrote on her blog that she will sing no matter what. Where is she in all this?

It's so easy to miss God, isn't it? God's goodness and grace is present in all instances, it must be and I refuse to believe otherwise.

*Soliciting prayer for the injured man - His name is Jacob and it's his left foot. Praying for healing and no long term injury. Thanks!*